The following was passed around in emails today…its being posted here to share with our Internet visitors. Original author is unknown.
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Hello, You have reached 123-4567, Tender Hearts
> Rescue. Due to the high volume of calls we have been
> receiving, please listen closely to the following
> options and choose the one that best describes you
> or your situation:
>
> Press 1 if you think we are veterinarians and want
> free medical advice.
>
> Press 2 if you know we are a rescue organization but
> want to save money and have us give you free,
> untrained medical advice anyway.
>
> Press 3 if you make $200,000 a year but still want
> us to pay to spay the “stray” in your yard (house).
>
> Press 4 if you have a 10-year-old dog and your
> 15-year-old son has suddenly become allergic and you
> need to find the dog a new home right away.
>
> Press 5 if you have three dogs, had a baby and want
> to get rid of your dogs because you are the only
> person in the world to have a baby and dogs at the
> same time.
>
> Press 6 if your dog is sick and needs a vet but you
> need the money for your vacation.
>
> Press 7 if you just got a brand new puppy and your
> old dog is having problems adjusting so you want to get rid of the old
> one right away.
>
> Press 8 if your little puppy has grown up and is no
> longer small and cute and you want to trade it in
> for a new model.
>
> Press 9 if you are elderly and want to adopt a cute
> puppy who is not active and is going to outlive you.
>
> Press 10 if your relative has died and you don’t
> want to care for their elderly dog because it
> doesn’t fit your lifestyle.
>
> Press 11 if you are moving today and need to
> immediately place your 150 pound, 8-year-old,
> unneutured, aggressive dog.
>
> Press 12 if you want an unpaid volunteer to come to
> your home today and pick up the dog you no longer
> want.
>
> Press 13 if you have been feeding and caring for a
> “stray” for the last three years, are moving and
> suddenly determine it’s not your dog.
>
> Press 14 if you are calling at 6 a.m. to make sure
> you wake me up before I have to go to work so you
> can drop a dog off on your way to work.
>
> Press 15 to leave us an anonymous garbled message,
> letting us know you have left a dog in our yard in
> the middle of January, which is in fact, better than
> just leaving the dog with no message.
>
> Press 16 if you are going to get angry because we
> are not going to take your dog that you have had for
> fifteen years, because it is not our responsibility.
>
> Press 17 if you are going to threaten to take your
> ten year old dog to be euthanized because we can’t
> get to your house in the next hour.
>
> Press 18 if you’re going to get angry because the
> volunteers had the
> audacity to go on vacation and leave the dogs in
> care of a trusted volunteer who is not authorized to
> take your personal pet.
>
> Press 19 if you want one of our perfectly trained,
> housebroken, kid and cat friendly purebred tiny dogs
> that we have an abundance of.
>
> Press 20 if you want us to take your dog that has a
> slight aggression problem, i.e. has only bitten a
> few people and killed your neighbor’s cats.
>
> Press 21 if you have already called once and been
> told we don’t take
> personal surrenders but thought you would get a
> different person this time with a different answer.
>
> Press 22 if you want us to use space that would go
> to a stray to board your personal dog while you are
> on vacation, free of charge, of course.
>
> Press 23 if it is Christmas Eve or Easter morning
> and you want me to deliver an eight week old puppy
> to your house by 6:30 am before your kids wake up.
>
> Press 24 if you have bought your children a
> duckling, chick or baby bunny for Easter and it is
> now Christmas and no longer cute.
>
> Press 25 if you want us to take your female dog who
> has already had ten litters, but we can’t spay her
> because she is pregnant again and it is against your
> religion.
>
> Press 26 if you’re lying to make one of our younger
> volunteers feel bad and take your personal pet off
> your hands.
>
> Press 27 if your cat is biting and not using the
> litter box because it is declawed, but are not
> willing to accept the responsibility that the cat’s
> behavior is altered because of your nice furniture.
>
> Press 28 if your two year old male dog is marking
> all over your house but you just haven’t gotten
> around to having him neutered.
>
> Press 29 if you previously had an outdoor only dog
> and are calling because she is suddenly pregnant.
>
> Press 30 if you have done “everything” to housebreak
> your dog and have had no success but you don’t want
> to crate the dog because it is cruel.
>
> Press 31 if you didn’t listen to the message asking
> for an evening phone number and you left your work
> number when all volunteers are also working and you
> are angry because no one called you back.
>
> Press 32 if you need a puppy immediately and cannot
> wait because today is your daughter’s birthday and
> you forgot when she was born.
>
> Press 33 if your dog’s coat doesn’t match your new
> furniture and you need a different color or breed.
>
> Press 34 if your new love doesn’t like your dog and
> you are too stupid to get rid of the new friend (who
> will dump you in the next month anyway) instead of
> the dog.
>
> Press 35 if you went through all these ‘presses’ and
> didn’t hear enough. This press will connect you to
> the sounds of tears being shed by one of our
> volunteers who is holding a discarded old dog while
> the vet mercifully frees him from of the grief of
> missing his family.
>
